The world we live in is filled with different opportunities every moment of every day to upset you, excite you, or make you overwhelmingly happy. Swings in your emotional state are a staple of human nature regardless of if you are pregnant or not. The mood swings that occur with pregnant women, however, can and should be considered lethal.
I have never been the steadiest person when it comes to my emotional state. It doesn’t take much to put me in a good mood, and it certainly doesn’t take a great deal to throw that good mood out the door. A solo dance party in my car on the way home from work can make the entire day for me, and I have been known to be a bit overly hyper on more than one occasion. But I certainly have a short fuse for stupidity, and my great mood can also vanish the second someone utters an incoherent or irrational rant on something not worth the breath they used to say it with. This has always been true of my good and bad moods, and my husband would attest that I can switch between a happy and sad state at least 10 times on any given day. When I got pregnant, it was like an atomic bomb went off in the part of my brain that controls rational emotional control, and I quickly became the most bipolar personality to ever not actually be bipolar.
It happens without me even knowing it is occurring. I will dance party my way to work to the new Beiber song, and instantly be in the best mood ever. I’ll get into work, say hello to all my co-workers, and bounce around the office like I took 5 shots of espresso, ready to tackle the day. Then I check my email, see that someone is mad at something that I find to be completely outlandish, and the gates of hell have officially been opened. At this moment if someone came in to talk to me, I might actually rip their head off and mail it to their next of kin. I’ll stay this way for minutes, maybe even hours, before the new Justin Timberlake song comes on the radio and I begin a new dance party. All is well in the world once again. But by this point everyone is already so afraid of my earlier demonic state that no one wants to share in my frenzied state. So then I get devastatingly sad that no one wants to play with me, and I begin to cry, which in turn makes me mad at myself, but then another awesome song comes on and I’m back to my happy state of mind. What a whirlwind of emotions I have gone on, and it might have only been an hour.
The main causality to this pregnancy emotional turmoil would most definitely be my husband. He often has absolutely no idea how to act or react to anything I do or say. Anything uttered out of his mouth could and often is easily misconstrued, and send me faster than a speeding bullet into a devilish state or might put me into uncontrollable tears. A humble “Is that a new dress?” could easily be taken as “You had to buy new clothes because your getting so big and nothing will fit you”. It might also be interpreted as “You are the most beautiful women in the world”. Both of these options will solicit completely different mood swings, one happy, one sad, or perhaps very angry. He can never win. I feel terrible for him, and it makes me very sad, which cause a whole new mood swing battle to occur.
I am fully aware that many women actually suffer from bi polar disorder during pregnancy, and I in no way shape or form am attempting to belittle or compare my crazy hormonal imbalances to their serious symptoms. But I do know that there is little I can do to control my freak-outs and hypersensitivity to the situations around me. So next time your near me and notice me smile, laugh, scream and cry all within 10 minutes, just attribute it to Harper and join me in counting the days until I can have alcohol again to calm my crazy nerves. I found this shirt on Pinterest, and plan on making it into a maternity shirt as a forewarning to others that I am in desperate need of a beer. Also, I included a photo of the crib we purchased this past weekend. She is going to be such a little princess with her princess bed. Her room is starting to come together very nicely! I’ll post more pictures once it is closer to completed.